James POTTER's Titanic
by Thephoenix
Summary: From Lily and James meeting to Harry's birth, all on a boat(in tow days, mind you). What happens when James POTTER directs instead of James Cameron???Read to find out. Rated PG for references to sex(and mau=ybe some language, I don't remember)


James POTTER's Titanic  
Yet another slightly messed up story by(and featuring) Thephoenix   
Thoughts are in italics, actions are in **stars**  
We see Lily Evans standing on a boat leaning over the rail and looking into the ocean after her last year at Hogwarts  
Lily: Since when do we have to travel by boat instead of train???  
Cut to James and Sirius playing cards with Lucius and Severus.  
Lucis: Ok, winner of the next hand gets our cabin.  
Severus: WHAT??? I PRACTICALLY HAD TO KILL LOCKHART TO GET THAT CABIN!!!  
James: What's so great about your cabin???  
Severus: There are six girls in the cabin next to it.  
Sirius: OHMYGOD, JAMES IF WE LOSE THE NEXT HAND, I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU!!!  
Lucius: Let's play. Severus, how many cards do you want???  
Severus: **groan** I would fold if I didn't have to play for my cabin. I guess I'll take two.  
Sirius: Three.  
James: **shows ace** I'll take two.  
Lucius:Why did you show your ace??? That's only if you want four cards.   
Sirius: **whacks James on the back of his head** YOU IDIOT!!!  
Lucius: Dealer takes one.  
Audience: Oooooooo, only one.  
Lucius: Why are people watching us play cards???  
Sirius: Beats me, Severus, it's your turn.  
Severus: James, got any threes???  
James: Severus we aren't playing go fish...yet.  
Five minutes later the game ends  
Sirius: HAHA, LUCIUS IS THE OLD MAID!!! WE WIN!!!  
Audience: Why where they playing Old maid???  
James: First things first, let's go greet our lady neighbors.  
Inside the ladies' cabin  
**four girls( Narcissa, Minerva, Molly and Poppy) run over to Sirius and begin fawning over him**  
James: WHAT!!!??? WHY DIDN'T ANY GIRLS RUN OVER TO ME???  
Sirius: It's just to prove that the public thinks I'm studlier than you. **he flexes once or twice**  
**the Thephoenix faints**  
Sirius: What the...She's not in any of the books!!!  
Thephoenix: Thanks SO MUCH for catching me, people!!!  
Lily: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Lily Evans and this is my roomie, Thephoenix.  
Sirius: The??? Her first name is The???  
Thephoenix: **stands up** YOU SHOULD TALK!!! WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS ALL THE TIME??? I KNOW, I KNOW, IT'S CAUSE SIRIUS MEANS DOG STAR. AND BY THE WAY, MY FIRST NAME IS THEPHOENIX. ONE NAME, LIKE MADONNA.  
Sirius: How do you know my name??? I didn't introduce myself.   
Thephoenix: Read the captions, ya ninny.  
James: Ninny???  
Sirius: Hey, I here there's an all you can eat buffet wanna come???  
Minerva, Molly, Poppy, and Narcissa: Sure.  
Thephoenix: LET'S GO!!!  
**they run out the door**  
Lily: I know you, you're James Potter.  
James: Your eyes are green.  
Lily: Yes, they are. You know, I've had a crush on you all year.  
James: Green is a colour.  
Lily: I'm quite aware. The girls from school don't give you enough credit, you're a lot cuter than they say.  
James: It is a combination of blue and yellow.  
Lily: **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! I'm TRYING TO KISS YOU.  
**they kiss**  
Lily: Oh, James!!!  
James: Oh, Green!!!  
Lily: JAMES!!!  
James: GREEN!!!  
Lily: Aaaaaaah, screw this, I'm going to the buffet.  
Lily appears at the point of the boat standing on the rail. James holds her up and they make out.  
Lily: OH JAMES!!!  
James: OH GREEN!!! Wait, oh sorry, I mean OH LILY!!!  
They appear in a large room alone.  
James: What the... How'd we get here so fast???  
Lily: Oh, James, I have a secret to tell you. **she turns around dramatically** I WEAR COLOURED CONTACTS!!!  
James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Lily: GOTCHA, my eyes are naturally green.  
James: Thank God.  
Lily: James, I want you to paint me wearing my eyes.  
James: Ummmmmmm, how else would I paint you???  
Lily: I want you to paint me wearing only my eyes.  
James: OK!!!  
James' painting: ..  
\/  
/[]\  
/\   
Lily: That's it???  
They appear in a bathroom and decide to...ahem...how shall we say...you know.  
Meanwhile, up on deck the boat nears an iceberg that strangely looks like Voldemort.  
Iceberg: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** THEY DON'T KNOW THAT I AM LORD VOLDEMORT!!!  
**Voldemort/Iceberg cuts a hole in the side of the boat**  
Meanwhile, Lily and James are still in the bathroom...if you know what I mean.  
Lily: OH JAMES...stop counting your toes and get over here, you still have ten!!!  
James: OHMYGOD, THE BOAT IS SINKING!!!  
Lily: OHMYGOD, I'M PREGNANT!!! **whacks James in the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!! **gives birth to Harry**  
Harry: My name is Harry.  
James: NO!!! YOUR NAME IS ZONTAR 357!!!  
Lily and Harry: **whack James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!  
Lily: I can't support a child **jumps overboard and dies**  
James: WAIT!!! I Can't support a child either. **jumps over board and dies**  
Sirius: Finally, I'm back in the story. So now what???  
Thephoenix: Give Harry and your motorcycle to Hagrid.  
Sirius: Done and done.  
Police man: Sirius Black, you are under arrest.  
Sirius: WHAT!!!??? BUT MY SCENES ARE SO SHORT!!!  
Another Thephoenix appears  
Thephoenix: What the... who are you???  
Other Thephoenix: **takes off costume** I am Lord Voldemort.  
Thephoenix: Do you have something you want to say, Voldie???  
Voldie: DON'T CALL ME VOLDIE!!!   
Thephoenix: That's not in the script...  
Voldie: Always where the proper protection so you don't end up dead with a child like Lily and James.  
**Snape turns off the video as his class groans**  
Draco: THAT WAS SO STUPID!!! **whacks James on the back of the head** YOU IDIOT!!!  
James: STOP DOING THAT!!!  
Harry: ARE YOU SAYING I WAS A MISTAKE???  
Draco: HA!!! Who's the Malfoy now???  
*~fin~*   
A/n: For those of you who don't know Latin-Sirius = dog star; Malfoy = Big mistake  
Discliamer-I don't own the stuff you don't recognize. The MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **coughcough** thing is from my friend Mad Cow.  
  
  
  



End file.
